i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize