At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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