It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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