I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
