Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
