You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
