i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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