I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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