This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
