Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i was born a porn star she said
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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