U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize