i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
