YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
