I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
