I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dicks are not precious.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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