I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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