I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
