i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I take back everything I said about communal showers
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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