so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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