When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
