I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize