Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
