It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
