If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jger and an empty bed here Friday.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
