had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
