He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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