I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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