did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
