I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
