I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think my moral compass just broke
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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