Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
