We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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