Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We named our party play list daddy issues
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
