He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
