dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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