I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
