I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
