Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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