you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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