I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
