fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
