I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
