my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
