my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
