I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
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