I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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