All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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