You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize