While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
