Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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