My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
