I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
