Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize