actually, I'm a sock model
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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