I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
