Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
