cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
