hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
