If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize