i think i have two assholes
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
