Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
