About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
