I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize