from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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