I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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