Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
