how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
