I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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