Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
