You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
