I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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