pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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