3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
