I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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