Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
